


I've Seen the Future, Brother, It Is Murder

by feverbeats



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-19
Updated: 2011-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-20 13:39:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feverbeats/pseuds/feverbeats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't imagine Charles will ever stop being young.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Seen the Future, Brother, It Is Murder

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "The Future" by Leonard Cohen. Don't mind me, just playing with formatting tricks. Structure stolen from _The Last Five Years_. Unlike in that, there is a happy ending, it's just in the wrong place.

1.

There is nothing to hope for, when Erik is a child, no future. He paints the inside of his head stainless-steel gray in defense, everything hard and secure as possible. He shores up his mind against any possibly assault, knowing that it is _him_ , that it is the last place they cannot touch.

When he is a child, there is nothing he can imagine living for except the possibility of exacting revenge on Schmidt and the other monsters.

He bleeds and bleeds, and the metal in his mind splinters but does corrode. Maybe after everything is finished, he'll let it.

2.

Erik's hand on the chess piece is steady, here in this plastic prison. Even now, this place makes Charles a little ill. Erik should always be allowed _something_ to lash out with. Otherwise it's not fighting fair, with Erik's helmet gone.

But Charles would never try to read Erik's mind now. Of course, he really no longer needs to. They're reached a level of comfort and civility that Charles was certain they never would again—although perhaps _again_ is inaccurate. He read their relationship wrong, at the start.

Erik moves his piece, and Charles rolls his chair a little closer.

3.

" _Freak._ "

Erik turns, French translating itself into German in his mind. The other man, the one who's still breathing, is calling him names. Stupid, but perhaps he's aware he won't live much longer. This often happens, when Erik catches up with a group of them and carelessly drives metal into their bodies with a wave of his hand or a clenched fist.

Erik lifts a length of metal--stripped from a car--that's made its way into the alley.

"You're a freak," the man repeats.

Erik has learned the word in eleven different languages so he will always recognize it.

4.

"You make me so tired." Charles looks up at Erik, a hint of accusation lingering in his voice. He hasn't learned to iron that out yet. "Must you always force me to chase you?"

Erik's eyes flare with anger for a second, but he represses it. He's gotten better at that. "I follow no man, Charles. You ought to know that." They still use each other's real names, and Charles is unsure if that's a weapon or a sign of fondness.

"Then we'll agree to meet in the middle." He offers a hopeful smile.

Erik smiles back in parody. "Never."

5.

There is a moment when Erik allows himself to trust Charles. But that is in bed and Charles' skin is warm and a moment of distraction hardly counts. The instinct to do anything Charles wants, _anything_ , is brief and quickly destroyed in the great ringing inferno of Erik's mind.

After all, perhaps the instinct didn't even come from him. He has other instincts that tell him never to trust again, not after so many betrayals, so very many scars. He's not young enough to afford himself the luxury of trust anymore.

He doesn't imagine Charles will ever stop being young.

6.

"You've gotten old, Charles," Erik says.

Charles can't hear past the helmet that Erik will never again trust him enough to take off, but he knows what Erik means is _You've grown up._

It's been over a year since they saw each other last, and both of them do look older. Charles has lost nearly all of his hair, and Erik's has gone gray.

"You're not looking very youthful yourself," Charles says gently. He came here to stop Erik's latest plan, but they always find themselves catching up. Finally, after all this time, Charles thinks Erik is done hating him.

7.

"If we could only come to some sort of understanding. Erik, I want Shaw punished as much as you do, but surely we can meet in the middle? Murder won't—"

Erik fights to keep his fists unclenched. "I'm tired of explaining this to you. There _is_ no middle ground between rage and serenity. I've tried. But I spent my life hunting him, and if we catch up with him, if I get my chance, I'm going to take it."

Charles sighs and shakes his head. "Then I'll be right behind you, to make sure you don't get that chance."

8.

"He called me a freak. My father did." The little girl covered in white, downy fur looks Charles in the eye.

It's been a week since they brought her to the school, and she's only just begun to open up. She won't talk about everything that happened, but this is a start.

Charles thinks of the man he used to be, the man who didn't know what it was like to be stared at on the street. He hopes his students never have to find out about that part of his past.

"He was wrong," Charles says steadily. "You're beautiful."

9.

The first time Erik sees Charles in the wheelchair, he's nearly crushed by guilt. Then he sees that the wheelchair is plastic, and the guilt transmutes itself into horrific, red rage.

"You don't look well," he says, his voice doing something nasty he's never heard it do before. He feels prickly and horrible, and more petty than he's ever felt in his life. What has Charles made him into?

"Neither do you," Charles says softly. He doesn't say _My friend_ or try to argue.

Erik hardly considers this a fair fight, as the guilt wells up again, blinding. "I know."

10.

Charles bleeds and bleeds on the sand as Erik walks away. He isn't sure how bad the damage is, but it doesn't matter. His body isn't important, only his mind. He could lose all his limbs and still be himself.

He can't move his legs and Erik is walking away. _I am not my body_ , he reminds himself again. He can rebuild with the children who are left, he can repair what physical damage he can and use the wounds that remain to strengthen his mind. He can still do this.

As Erik walks away, though, he feels truly hopeless.


End file.
